does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize