covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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