I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
