I wannas sexs uuuuu
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need water and some morals
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