Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
