So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
