I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
