There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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