what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
