I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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