OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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