Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
