what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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