I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
