I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
