i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
