You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
