wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
