Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
