Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
