thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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