his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
