There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
