pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
