I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
