The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the raccoons are back...
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