Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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