I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
