Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
