Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
