I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize