dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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