I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've blown a few things in my day
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
