Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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