wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
