I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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