Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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