I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
