I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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