i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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