I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
