u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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