Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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