I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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