she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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