Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
