Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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