they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
