I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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