Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
