Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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