who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
