i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
