i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
