i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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