Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
