I cockslap morals
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
