so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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