there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
