my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
