Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
