I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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