there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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