my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
