normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
