Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
