u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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