I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
