yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
