I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
