So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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