I faked an abortion last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
