We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
