If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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