So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
