i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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